I’ve been trying for the last couple of days to focus on writing something smart so you can enjoy reading on my blog. And I can’t … suddenly, everything else besides my daughter seems to stop matter now. Starting last week, she’s been having some health problems; some of them are better, some have reached the highest point right now. It’s nothing that we won’t be able to solve until hopefully next week, but this whole situation had me thinking on how much it impacts your life every time your kid is in any kind of suffering, how much it hurts to see her crying, how much strength you can have to keep going after nights of almost no sleep.
I truly believe that the only unconditional love is the one a parent has for his/her children, and, after you experience parenthood you truly understand this. Now, I can understand my parents and their concerns when I was growing up, I can even understand that no matter how much she’ll grow up I will still worry about her all the time and every little thing that will hurt her will make me suffer even more.
Since I got pregnant I feel like I did some Army training. She’s been preparing me like a Captain does with his soldiers. If before pregnancy, I had to sleep for at least 7 hours to function properly, you should see me know “flying” around like a little bee after a sleepless night. It’s true, not the happiest bee, a little bit clumsy, but still, I’m amazed by my own body.
I’m sad to say that my pregnancy was the worst period of my life, both physically and mentally, as it put me through a lot. But, we made it safe to the finish line, and we met face to face, eye to eye, skin on skin and heart to heart on December 17th, 2012. There was no relaxing after, don’t worry, because the chapter “How much can you last without sleeping” started. I can tell you this: you get better at this over time. After you’ve learned one lesson, another lesson starts. Actually, I teach her something & she teaches me something in return. I may not like all her “lessons”, but they are definitely pushing my limits, which is great, as it’s taking me to another level of self discovering, and to a better “soldier”. 🙂 So, next time someone asks me if I can multitask (usually men ask this), I can tell them this: I can multitask in my sleep! :))
But… no matter how exhausting, sometimes annoying it is, no matter how far away you are from the comfort zone, no matter how tired, mad or frustrated you may be at the end of a day, to know that for a little person you are the world, that all she can give you is her smile, her little arms around you, her little kisses on your cheek, her love, her need for you, an “I love you” or “Mum is beautiful”, it makes it all worth it. Yes, she’s driving me crazy sometimes and yes, it is the toughest thing I’ve ever had to do. This job never stops, day or night, and every time I put her to sleep I thank God for giving her to me and I pray to give me strength, health, patience and wisdom to raise her in the woman I want her to become.
My life belongs to her now more than it belongs to me. But the funny thing is…I’m OK with this.
PS. Tomorrow it will be about fashion, I promise, if I get a good night sleep. 🙂
If you haven’t seen this yet, you should: