Surviving your wedding – Chapter 10. How to handle family issues

    There are lots of things at your wedding that need planning, decisions, compromises etc, but it is  one thing than you didn’t know you have to manage…and that’s the family. By family, I mean yours and his, with all their wishes and expectations. In case you thought this wedding is just yours, well think again. Now, I know this is not a very sure thing, and families have more or less expectations from an event that is definitely not theirs, but because every couple I know had to deal with some sort of pressure from their families, I thought I should tell you this from the beginning. Expect the unexpected!

    Starting with issues like season, place of the reception, traditions they want you to follow  “because it has been done like this in our family for like centuries” or “just because this is the tradition”, food, list of guests, seating chart and ending with your wedding dress. Well, your wedding dress may be an issue for your mom, sister, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, friends, bridesmaids etc. If you let them, they will all have an opinion about what suits you and what doesn’t…yours might not even count too much.

    The funny thing is that every time I tell this to someone that hasn’t yet started planning the wedding, she finds it hard to believe, but after a while she tells me “You won’t believe it, but you were right!”.   Actually, I can believe it…. Growing up in the wedding industry and meeting closely so many brides during my career as a wedding dress designer taught me a lot and by the time my husband and I planned our wedding, we knew exactly what could happen.

    In our case, the wedding was exactly how we wanted, but truth be told, we too had a few issues to solve with our parents along the way. The biggest issue in our case: traditions. God forbid you don’t want to follow a certain tradition, because a wedding needs to happen in a certain way, not in a way that the two of you might’ve liked, wanted, dreamed… 🙂

    What do you do in that case? First of all, you two have to decide together what exactly you want at your wedding in detail, where are you willing to compromise or if you are willing to compromise on anything, what traditions you want to respect or not,  the max amount of guests you want to have, etc. This is what we did too, and we stuck to our decisions from the beginning to the end. We didn’t involve anyone in any decision unless we wanted or we valued their opinion.

    Second of all, we talked to them and explained that this day is ours and this event will be planned as we dreamt it, so the 2 of us won’t have any regrets of doing something we didn’t want on OUR special day. This is what I advice you to do as well. Thinking alike and respecting both our wishes helped a lot, because in front of everyone our opinion mattered and even if there were some things that we refused to do, in the end, everyone understood and respected our wishes. None of us gave in to the pressure and we respected what we both agreed at the beginning of the planning.

    No matter what, never forget that your wedding day is about the two of you, it is about celebrating your love and your decision to spend the rest of your lives together. No one else matters more, and no opinion should be valued more than the one of your partner. You should dress how you want, in whatever colour or style the two of you want, and everything about that day should reflect your desires and dreams. Each member of your family and friends had or will have the occasion to do the same, so don’t feel bad for not wanting to do something that they ask you to.

    Photos: Pinterest

    I hope my words helped and I wish you to have the wedding of your dreams,


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