Anca Zaharia is a lady with strong opinions and she is not afraid to share them. I love that about her. Today we have a guest post on the blog written by her.  I discovered her while reading “A bookseller’s diary” (Jurnal de librar), an article series she writes for Serial Readers and laughed to tears.

I am not that old (I’m 25), I am not religious (basically more like an atheist), I am not married (although I have been in a relationship for so many years) and, the most important, I am so not perfect at all. I like to think of myself in terms that rely very much on ideas like freedom and open-mindedness.

However, since every saint has a past and every sinner has a future, I can confess that I was never able to see the idea of faith as anything but relative and sort of blurry. And it took me 25 years to become, perhaps, an adult and actually be capable of contextualizing matters that seemed, in my teenage years, to be trivial and common.

Because I have come to realize that, if we are talking about a serious relationship, cheating is the lowest thing you can do. If it is an open relationship or if it is something that occurs after you and your partner talk it through and decide to experiment more, than I find it perfectly agreeable and suitable for that specific moment of your life and for the needs and expectations of that moment.

But in a world where we have thousands of friends, but maybe none to rely on, where we have preoccupied parents, but who sabotage us (with their good intentions or not), getting involved in a serious relationship is a promise that you make to another human being: that you will be there, no matter what, and that you have taken them, chosen them from such a variety of potential partners, and made them your closest friend.

And I do not think it is even about honesty or religious rules or morals or breaking the rules or anything else. But how can you bear thinking that you are letting down the only close person you yourself have chosen for yourself? And this is not even because I have read about Usain Bolt and that girl in Rio, or maybe it is. Apparently, Bolt says that there are so many temptations around that people cannot say no. Well, from where I stand now, filled with this wisdom of mine I am sharing, I tell you this: of course you can say no. Because if you think of it as a temptation, then you are immediately labelling your situation as helpless and you are aware you must confine to some rules that – maybe! – you did not even agree with.

My point is that monogamy is not who we are, but who we choose to be. And trust me, I am really proud that this is due to the respect I have for my partner, not because I am afraid my neighbours might find out or because I will end up burning in hell. If the man next to me is amazing, why would I need to think ”Oh, such a pity I cannot taste that hot unknown guy’s spit because I am in this crappy relationship!” – well, if it is the right relationship, I guess you don’t get to feel sorry for the ”chances” you miss while being busy respecting your lover.

So what are your thoughts on this: is monogamy an impossible choice nowadays?



ANCA Zaharia: I love books, booze and rock music, but I am a peaceful spirit nevertheless. Read me here and here.

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  1. Well, Anca, it depends on each member of the couple and of course, the primary rules they set for the relationship. Myself, I believe too that it’s not a good thing to cheat when the other expects you to be completely faithful. But another thing I believe is that we, as individuals, can’t complete another individual 100 percent, no matter what we do. It will always remain something that is unfulfilled or missing, even though everything else is perfect. Even though in the first place nothing is missing, it may appear after years and years, since we make to different stage of life, meet new people, got new jobs, got implants, tattoos or whatever changes one decides to make after… well after too much routine.
    What I want to say is that sometimes, the life seem too predictable and non-exciting, day after day, and even though you may feel completely happy in your relationship, there may be an evil clown, behind the brain that points you to a ‘hot stranger’ or something like that.

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