Mi-au trebuit 34 de ani sa fac pace cu mine. Mi-au trebuit 34 de ani sa invat sa ma accept si sa realizez ca sunt perfecta asa cum sunt [si tot atatia ca sa ma simt confortabil purtand dres plasa si cizme peste genunchi :)) ]. Mi-au trebuit atat de multi ani sa vad dincolo de ce consideram urat si sa ma iubesc, asa imperfecta cum sunt. Iar in toti acesti ani, nu am inteles cat de rau imi fac singura fiind atat de constienta doar de defecte, atat de canalizata pe ce nu sunt sau pe ce nu credeam ca pot.

[EN] It took me 34 years to make peace with myself. It took me 34 years to learn to accept myself and to realize that I’m perfect just the way I am. It took me so many years to see beyond what I considered ugly and to love myself, as imperfect as I am. And all these years, I did not understand how bad I can influence myself by being so aware of my flaws, so channeled on what I’m not or on what I thought I can’t do.

In ultimul an am lucrat mult cu mine, nu cu fizicul, ci cu psihicul meu. Mi-am dat seama chiar de curand de cat de mult m-am sabotat singura, nereusind sa trec cu adevarat peste intamplari din copilarie si adolescenta, neintelegand de unde vine toata nesiguranta cand as avea toate motivele sa fiu sigura pe mine. Am inteles acum cat de fragili suntem si cat de mult ne doboara cuvintele aruncate aiurea de unii si de altii, comparatiile pe care le-am primit si care au declansat in noi sentimentul ca nu suntem suficienti de buni, de frumosi sau de inteligenti.

Aripi taiate prea curand de oameni care nu au stiut cat de usor le pot taia.

[EN] Last year I worked a lot with myself, not with my body, but with my mind. I just recently realized how much I sabotaged myself, unable to really go over some events from my girlhood, not understanding from where all my uncertainty came when I had every reason to be confident. I understand now how fragile we are and how easily we can be broken by the words or comparisons that we have received and that triggered in us the feeling that we are not good, beautiful or smart enough.

Wings cut too soon by people who did not know how easy they can be cut. 

Le-am purtat pica celor ce m-au ranit, neintelegand de ce au facut-o. Acum mi-a trecut toata supararea si m-am scuturat de resentimente. Atat au stiut, atat au putut, atat au inteles. Parerile lor nu ma mai definesc, iar munca mea cu mine este acum doar pentru mine, nu pentru a demonstra unora si altora cine sunt si ce pot.

Asa, prin propria experienta, am inteles ce putere au cuvintele si ce rani adanci pot lasa, ce frustrari puternice pot declansa, iar tu ca om devii mai putin om chiar si fara sa vrei, pentru ca toata energia aia negativa ce se acumuleaza se va rasfrange si asupra celor din jur si de la ei tot mai departe.

Ca parinte, am inteles cata grija trebuie sa am cu felul in care ma comport cu fiica mea, ce cuvinte ii rostesc, cum ii arat ce simt si cum reactionez. Tot ce fac eu o influenteaza pe ea direct. Tot ce fac si ii spun cei din jur o influenteaza la fel de mult. Eu stiu ca nu o pot proteja de toate rautatile oamenilor, dar pe de alta parte o pot invata sa le faca fata si sa le contracareze intr-un mod pozitiv. Iar pentru asta, a trebuit sa invat eu sa le contracarez.

Daca fiecare dintre noi ne-am lua macar 10 secunde inainte de a da drumul cuvintelor, lumea intreaga ar fi mai buna. Macar atat, 10 secunde, in care sa ai timp sa procesezi si mai apoi sa inlocuiesti o reactie imediata cu un raspuns mai bun, mai coerent, cu mai putine efecte negative. 10 secunde in care sa te gandesti la cat vor rani cuvintele sau faptele tale, 10 secunde ca sa intelegi ca ce daruiesti, aia primesti. Doar 10 secunde ca sa incepi sa schimbi lumea…

[EN] I held a grudge on those who hurt me, not understanding why they did it. Now all my sorrow is gone and I shook off all my resentments. Their opinions do not define me anymore and my work with myself is now only for me, not to demonstrate to others who I am and what I can do.

So, through my own experience, I understood how much power the words can have and the deep wounds that they can leave, the strong frustrations they can trigger and how you as a human being become less human even without wanting to, because all that negative energy accumulates and it will be reflected on those around you, and from them to others. 

As a parent, I understand how much care I must have with the way I behave with my daughter, the words I use, how I show her what I feel and how I react. Everything I do will directly influence her. Everything others do and say to her will also influence her. I know that I can’t protect her all the time, but on the other hand I can teach her how to face them in a positive way. And for that, I had to learn to face them.

If each and everyone of us would take at least 10 seconds before letting words get out, the world would be better. At least 10 seconds in which you have time to process and then to replace an immediate reaction with a better response, more consistent, with fewer negative effects. 10 seconds in which to think about how your actions or words will hurt others, 10 seconds to understand that what you’re giving, that’s what you’ll get. Only 10 seconds to start to change the world…

PS. Eu care fugeam de poze cu mine, ma bucur acum de increderea pe care cu greu mi-am castigat-o si poate o sa vi se para ciudat, dar tocmai exersand “pozatul” am reusit sa imi depasesc niste temeri si sa ma vad cu alti ochi.

Photo: talentatul meu sot Sebastian


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3 COMMENTS

  1. Foarte frumos! Ma bucur ca te-ai regasit si ca ai incredere in tine!
    Referitor la acele 10 secunde…cata dreptate ai! Doar ca e necesar sa te controlezi putin si sa lucrezi zi de zi la acest aspect….
    Felicitari!

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