Strong title, I know… 🙂
Over the years I came to understand that most relationships begin with a lie and most of the times we are not even conscious of it. Not conscious that we lie or that we are being lied to.
It all begins with the first date, when both partners usually try harder to look more appealing, behave perfectly, seem funnier, smarter, interesting, etc. Basically, we all have some misconceptions about what the partner might search, so naturally we try harder to score better on those points we believe we should.
Guess what? By doing that, we practically sabotage ourselves and our relationships, because none of the partners are acting as they truly are, but as their best. Now, acting at your best is perfect if you can keep doing that for the rest of your life. If you can’t, then pretending you’re something you’re not it will cause you some trouble in the future. It makes sense, doesn’t it?
It’s similar to searching for a job. At the interview you will try to look your best, promise great results to the company, but if you don’t deliver, we all know what happens. 🙂
For a few years, I had all sorts of talks on this subject with my male friends, which I used to ask why do they use all those romantic gestures at the beginning of each relationship, than drop them after a while. Flowers, romantic walks, talking for hours (which we now know it’s a real effort for them :)), gifts, and other small gestures but equally important, they are usually forgotten in time and remembered only on special occasions, sometimes not even then. Their answer: ”How else will they fall in love or fall in bed?” :))
photo source: here
Nooo, don’t throw stones yet… They do it because we set the “standard” high, and they truly believe that if they don’t behave in a certain way they don’t stand a chance. At first, their answer made me jump of my chair while I explained that they are liars. “You don’t want to do any of those gestures, but you do them just to get us in bed? :)) Then, in time, everybody gets frustrated: the girls for not receiving what they were used to and wondering if the boys still love them, and probably subconsciously change the way they behave with the men because for them it makes sense – “He doesn’t treats me as he used to, I doubt he loves me as much as he did, then why should I try if he doesn’t…” This usually leads to “Damn it, the woman has changed. She’s not the same she was before. If you marry the girl, than she changes.” Sounds familiar? I heard this story many times.
All this got me thinking… The truth is girls love to be conquered with beautiful gestures and boys love the hunt and the feeling of winning the ‘trophy’. So, that won’t change. It’s in our DNA. The problem appears when boys don’t understand that in order to get the girl into bed, to keep her happy so she can keep him happy, they must always take care of the girl’s heart, that means keep doing the beautiful gestures for ever and always. So, try a little less at the beginning, don’t sabotage yourself, there’s no need to do something amazing every day, push yourself every day to do the things you know for sure that you won’t be able to do for the rest of your life, be a little more you and a little less Superman or Superwoman, but don’t become the opposite of the one you were on that first day. Because the truth is, we all fall in love with “perfection”, while no one is perfect. When “perfection” fails to stay perfect, then the relationship fails too. And for that we are all to blame.
No one said relationships are easy, but they come with lots of benefits. For those benefits I believe we can all try to be better, but not something that we truly aren’t.
For my ladies out there: Girls, if they don’t do the cute things at the beginning, the romantic ones, even from time to time, history shows it’s unlikely they will do them later. So, it’s up to you to whom you give your heart to and what you ask for in return. 🙂
Do you agree with my opinion? Have you experienced this over the years?
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