I was walking down the street the other day and, unwillingly, I heard a couple talking. In fact, she was talking and he was nodding and saying a word or two once in a while. She was accusing him of not loving her the way she loved him, and of not understanding her. She was also saying that he didn’t look at her in a certain way, he didn’t call her like he used to, that he didn’t care about her anymore. He seemed surprised. Then and there he found out that he wasn’t the man that she expected him to be.
I’m not a relationship expert, but it was obvious that the two had no idea how to communicate. She had gathered up frustrations until she burst out, throwing them in his face. He was shocked by all those things she found him guilty of, because she had said nothing until then. The lack of communication brought them to a critical point, on the verge of breaking up.
That scene made me sad: two people who were speaking two different languages on different tones, instead of enjoying themselves and the simple things around them. I see a lot of couples fighting because of lack of communication, and it’s so sad… I’ve been there and I must say that it’s not so pleasant to not have the courage to say what you feel, when you feel it.
If I knew how to say what I had in mind, I might have avoided a series of disappointments. Unfortunately, we tend to project on the one next to us our ideal, our desires. And that’s how our expectations increase. We find ourselves ‘forever’ in love for a few months or years, we embrace our new, awesome relationship, and we cry out loud that we found true love.
But, guess what! Only time can tell if the love you feel is true. Sometimes it goes away, sometimes it turns out to be real. You know it when you really get to know your partner. True love means loving somebody with their good or bad days, with all their qualities and flaws. True love is when you love them even when they deserve a smack in the face, when you fight and then kiss them because of their beautiful smile. In order to reach this love you need to communicate with your partner, to be patient with them and with yourself.
If you have something on your mind, don’t keep it to yourself. Just talk to your partner, tell them what is bothering you. Ask them to listen to you. We need to be listened to, and they must know it. We don’t want them to fix our problems, we just want to be listened, because this way we can bring some order to our messy thoughts. And if he doesn’t know how to listen, then write a letter or an email. Find a form of communication that suits you.
If you can’t find any appropriate means of communication, then clearly there is a problem and maybe it’s better to know it at the beginning of the relationship and not after years of arguing. Through open communication we find answers to our questions. We get to know our partners, ourselves, and we find out if they are „the one” or not.
Regarding the couple that I was telling you at the beginning of this article, I don’t know what happened to them, but I realy hope that they are ok and happy together.
What do you think about couples these days, Divas? Have you encountered such cases?
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